Spiritual Discourses: Graceful acceptance cannot be equated with resignation
By Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati*
Graceful acceptance helps us to respond appropriately to every situation
Graceful acceptance is not to be equated with resignation or passiveness. It implies having a graceful frame of mind in a given situation. Acceptance is not an action; it is a perception. We have to surrender our false perceptions to our true nature. We are not objective with reference to a situation when we react to it with anger or frustration. The situation has been created by the laws of nature and there is nothing we can do about it. We have to accept gracefully that which we cannot change.
Graceful acceptance does not mean that one should be passive and do nothing. Yet there is no point in being frustrated and blaming people or situations; it will not change anything. Being reactive is a big obstacle to responding to a situation in an appropriate manner. The attitude of graceful acceptance enables us to have a frame of mind with which we can respond properly to an unpleasant situation or, for that matter, any situation. Whoever causes the situation is only an instrument of īśvara. Ultimately, it is he who decides your destiny. If you need to take action against someone who makes you angry, it should be a deliberate action, not a reaction arising out of anger. Graceful acceptance implies an objective frame of mind in which one’s free will is used.
Pain can also be accepted as the grace of God. It is not easy to do that because we have our own notions about the meaning of grace. We always want things to be favourable. When īśvara appears not to do what we want him to do, we think he is hurting us. Self-growth lies in accepting īśvara as always being right and changing our perceptions of what is right and what is not. Īśvara can be the greatest therapist in bringing about a transformation in our perceptions. When success comes, it is evident that it is a blessing. Yet a failure is but a blessing in disguise. For a devotee, everything is a blessing. This is the only way to grow.
A response to situations that are dictated by rãga and dveșa or likes and dislikes denies the appreciation of the realities of life. In a given situation, painful decisions may have to be made. These decisions should be the result of mature consideration. Every relationship involves anugraha, favour, and nigraha, restraint, and every situation calls for leniency, in which the other person is allowed to have his or her way. However, you cannot always do only what you want or what the other person wants. There are times when restraint also has to be used. A charioteer gives free rein to his horses but restrains them when needed. Just because you have to accept an unpleasant action or situation, it does not mean you have to be angry. It has to be handled with mature understanding.
Lord Krishna says [Bhagavad Gita, 2-38]:
Sukhaduhkhe same krutva labhalabhau jayajayau,
tato yuddhaya yujyasva naivam papamavapsyasi.
Taking pleasure and pain, gain and loss, and victory and defeat to be the same, prepare for battle. Thus will you incur no sin.
We all want success. Yet, we should know that things do not always work the way we want them to work. We have to be ready to accept whatever result we get. Everything is a calculated risk. Even when we talk, we never know what the words are going to convey; the intended meaning may potentially be misinterpreted. Actions done with the best of intentions and attitudes may not bring the desired result. Therefore, while you are not working towards failure, you must be prepared for it. Ask yourself whether you are ready for failure. Will you be devastated or can you retain an objective frame of mind? All of this requires us to surrender the tendency to react when things do not go our way.
We see success and security when things go our way. Based on our limited knowledge, things seem right only when events go as expected. However, we must surrender our opinions and conclusions based on our limited intellect and accept every situation as created by God in his infinite wisdom. There is freedom in this because it is our own opinions and conclusions that bind us. To the extent we can let them go, there is freedom. All this is graceful acceptance.
Graceful acceptance is the acceptance of one’s responsibility in every situation
The next value in reference to surrender is responsibility. We have a tendency to resign, escape, and avoid. We should surrender such tendencies and take responsibility in every situation. Graceful acceptance coupled with responsibility will bring about the right response in every situation. Performing an action in keeping with the existing order is a responsibility. Just as the whole universe functions in accordance with the order, so also should we function in accordance with the order.
The scriptures teach this order in the form of values. Truthfulness, honesty, and non-violence are the basic values, which govern the functioning of the world. When our actions are in accordance with these values, we are being responsible. Not only are we required to respond to situations, but we are required to do what is right as well. We are doing what is right when we act in accordance with these values while doing what is expected of us in a given situation.
It may appear that Vedanta offers a justification for not doing things; one can claim to accept oneself gracefully and not bother to change. However, graceful acceptance is not an action. It is a perception that we are all right as we are. Yet if we feel that change is needed, we work to bring about that change. We know that regardless of what we do, we will not be limitless or perfect. Nevertheless, we have a commitment to work on our limitations as much as we can. From the standpoint of the self that we are, we are limitless. Bringing about the change must arise from understanding and deliberation, not frustration or disappointment.
The commitment to change should come from the fact that it is one’s duty to explore the potential that each of us has been given. Thus, it is our responsibility to grow in terms of knowledge and skills. One must work not only to fulfil one’s own needs but also to contribute to others who are needy. On the one hand, we have a commitment to do the best we can, while, on the other, we have to recognize and acknowledge that we can never be perfect or without limitations. We should not be ashamed to accept our human imperfections or limitations. There is humility in accepting ourselves as we are. This graceful acceptance is surrender. In this acceptance, there is freedom and an appreciation of everything for what it is.
We are expected to play a certain role in every situation. Every role calls for an appropriate response. The Bhagavad Gita calls it kartavya, duty. We have a duty to do what is proper. Just as graceful acceptance is difficult, so also, performing one’s duty is not easy. Only when we start watching ourselves do we discover our lack of gracefulness! We are quick to react because we want situations and people to meet our demands. Graceful acceptance enables us to understand our minds: the build-up of anger and frustration, the demand that things go our way, and the need to be in control. Life, however, does not work that way. It has its own rhythm and agenda. It is we who are required to be attuned to that rhythm, rather than expect that the world be attuned to us. There is nothing to lose in making the adjustment. That is self-growth.
Perhaps it is not easy in the beginning. Similarly, taking responsibility and doing what is right is also not easy. Often, it is very painful. What is right is not always pleasant. Lord Krishna asks us to perform our duty and not attempt to escape it.
It was right for Arjuna to fight the battle, but he wanted to find an escape from it because it was painful. He presented a number of arguments to Lord Krishna to justify why the war should not be fought. As a Kshatriya, it was his duty to face the situation. We are fortunate that we are not in a position as painful as that in which Arjuna found himself.
Sometimes, situations are painful. What one is required to do may not be pleasant. When a subordinate does not act responsibly or a child does not work hard, should you accept it gracefully? Graceful acceptance does mean accepting them as they are. Perhaps emotional problems or some other factors restrict their performance. Understanding that and being sensitive to their needs is graceful acceptance. Just because they do not conform to our standards, it does not mean we should reject them. Instead, we should try to understand their helplessness and respect them.
Whatever actions we choose to take should not be out of anger or resentment; we must act with sympathy and consideration as much as possible. A certain prophet of Islam once subdued his opponent in a fight. Sitting upon his chest, he drew his sword and was poised to kill him. Suddenly, he got up, let go of the other person, and started to walk away. People asked him why he had let his opponent go free. The prophet replied, “When I subdued him, he spat at me and I got angry. Rather than killing him out of anger, I decided to let him go.” This is an extreme example of being aware of one’s actions and being deliberate about not reacting. Extend this attitude of acceptance to everyone with whom you are associated. This gives them, and you, a certain freedom. This may be a tall order, but this is what graceful acceptance means.
Concluded
*Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati has been teaching Vedānta Prasthānatrayī and Prakaraṇagranthas for last 40 years in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. Throughout the year, he conducts daily Vedānta discourses, accompanied by retreats, and Jñāna Yajñas on Vedānta in different cities in India and in foreign countries.
