Parenting: The little one’s three wrong sums
By Dr Vandana Mathur*
It’s a seven-on-ten!
It was a sweltering summer afternoon and I was standing at the bus stop watching the world go by while I waited for my little one to get back from school. He got off the bus with a cheery smile and a wave to his friends and bounded towards me. His tie-askew, sweaty face and a grin with a missing tooth were endearing, to say the least!
“Ma, I got my Math paper today. Guess what?? I got a 7 on 10!” “Well done!” I smiled. His joy was palpable. As we walked towards our building his little hand in mine, I said “Once we get home, show it to me. I want to see the three sums which you got wrong.” With an impish smile, he said, “Ma, can we first see the ones I got right?”.
It hit me. Are we not taking all the good that our children do and are, for granted? Only focussing on what they lack and what needs to be worked upon- e.g.- he is poor in Math, she is a fussy eater, he is not keeping his things in place etc. Do we ever think and talk in terms of – he is so respectful, and she handled this challenge so well. Are we treating them like a project that needs improvement? Are we enjoying them really? Are we celebrating their wins enough?
I think celebrating their wins, however small, is crucial to their development and growth. It not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence but also encourages them to keep trying, pursuing their goals and reinforces positive behaviours. Recognising and celebrating their small wins is a sure-shot way of keeping them motivated.
Celebrating their wins does not necessarily mean giving them material gifts or praising them excessively. It need not be elaborate or extravagant. It could be as simple as acknowledging their efforts, expressing pride in their achievement and providing words of encouragement.
By doing so, we create a positive and supportive environment for our children to thrive in. This will ultimately help them become more resilient and successful in life. End of the day, isn’t that what we all want?
*PhD (Nutrition), Consulting Nutritionist and Certified Parenting Coach
Dr.Vandana, you have highlighted a very sensitive aspect of human thinking. This applies not only in dealing with children, but also in business management while dealing with employees, and stakeholders.
I agree. We always look at what is missing without even acknowledging what is already there. Thanks for your response.
The most urgent need in today’s society is to acknowledge our children’s achievements, however small or big they are.
Most ambitious, competitive parents in the race of making their child , a super successful , all rounder product ..often forget that appreciation for small deeds n small achievements will accumulate one day & reflect in transforming the child into a beautiful soul , rich in human values & a contended Adult .
I made this mistake in my life …. So urge all to be aware n work towards acknowledging our child’s small wins .
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
yes it is as much necessary to applaud the child then to reprimand them constantly. A well
written article .
Why is it so difficult to FIRST focus on everything that is actually right?
We spend so much time on that which actually does not even contriibute to our ‘ so called happiness ‘
You are so right. It’s the negativity bias of the human brain. We attend to & focus on what is wrong vs what is right. On this same platform, I had written an article about it. Shall share the link. Thanks for your response.
Prepare them for the Road, Don’t prepare Road for them!!!
Obviously, it’s important to first focus on Wins and it’s crucial for enhancing child’s Self Worth. Whenever you priase a child always ask what went right for this Win and whenever you correct a child, a change in approach can help in a big way like, saying him/her- Had I been in your place I would have felt aweful doing in this manner. So always praise directly and correct indirectly.
Thank Vandana for writing such insightful article with such lucid language
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Excellent insight and subtle guidance on child psychology and also parents’ psychology. We need to redefine success, and value the glow of happiness on a child’s face. That is the best contribution to the society today. A happy contented young generation, instead of a stressed depressive competitive one! Very well said Dr Vandana Mathur👌🏻
Thank you.
Awesome Vandana. Bulls eye on celebrating the small s of success rather than dwelling on the failures. I have maintained this policy all through her life. I push here during her study time and once exams are over never interfere as Whats gone is gone.
Secondly I never compare children to others, each has their personality.
Thanks 🙏
It’s actually a reality check for all parents and even teachers. I am a teacher of primary years and often what we do is correctly pointed out by Dr. Vandana .
We must be conscious of what we say and also yes very important to celebrate even small efforts taken by children.
Very well articulated.Actually parents these days just try to work upon what their children can’t do instead of appreciating what they are good at.This article is an eye opener for parents as well as teachers in current times
True, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for sharing! celebrating children’s achievements (small or large) is important, as it boosts confidence and sets them up for more success! Showing children that you delight in them every single day is a crucial variable to their core being and one that helps them build a buffer of resiliency to carry them forward through challenges.
Thanks!
Wonderful insight on child’s and parents psychology Vandana.Very well explained.Congratulations
True. Thanks for your response!
Absolutely correct.Positivity is the key word. We all are majorly focusing on negativity and forget to appreciate the good things in life. And encouragement makes a lot of difference. It acts as a catalyst for further improvement. One must always appreciate the good things, be it a child or anyone else.A small encouragement goes a long way. Changing one’s attitude towards positivity makes one hell of a difference and makes life way better. Very well written. Stay blessed.
Thank you so much!
Very tru written,a small encouragement guidance goes a long way.Congrats Dr Vandana Mathur.
Thanks!