Sunday Snippets: Congressi gupshup
By Venkatesh Raghavan
I and Amir were seated in his Irani café and the topic of our gupshup (loosely translated as chitchat) centred around the much-publicized Bharat Jodo Yatra, heralded by Congress Party’s parliamentarian Rahul Gandhi. Amir felt that it had evoked a mixed bag of eulogies and diatribes. I had a mild curiosity about where his sympathies lay and how he felt dispensed with the Gandhi scion’s first pan-India mission to garner political support. Our gupshup went somewhat like this.
Amir: What do you feel about this marathon mission Rahul Gandhi has launched to oust his mighty political foes, namely the Bharatiya Janata Party and Aam Aadmi Party?
Me: I feel there is a much simpler way for him to achieve this goal of ousting the political foes. It does not warrant any movement of this scale. He just has to think logically to resolve the problem the Congress Party is faced with.
Amir: What on earth are you hinting at? Are you talking about digital video conferencing or the use of social media on a mass scale?
Me: It’s elementary my dear Amir. A host of Congress MLAs is weaned off by the money and political clout of the rivals. What Rahul has to do is promise his Congress candidates that he will allow them to get purchased for a hefty sum to join the rival political parties. Your second step is to allow them to make hay while the sun shines and loot the state exchequer by resorting to rampant corruption.
Amir: How on earth is it going to benefit Rahul or say the Congress Party?
Me: Feel mentally comfortable Amir. Let me explain the full plan by when all your questions will be answered.
Amir: Alright. Kindly proceed with your narrative.
Me: In exchange for facilitating this minting of money, the defectors from the Congress Party will pass on the extra financial gains to the kitty of their erstwhile Party, that is Congress.
Amir: You are talking in riddles. How on earth is Congress or Rahul going to benefit from such an arrangement when it comes to winning the general elections?
Me: Feel mentally comfortable Amir. I have still not finished.
Amir: Go ahead. I am not exactly amused at hearing this.
Me: Along with making the Congress cash rich, these defectors will also pass on all information and evidence about MLAs and ministers of the state cabinet who constitute hardcore rivals, by disclosing all the scams they indulge in.
Amir: You mean, first infiltrate the enemy ranks and then take over by making their team of defectors play the role of sleeper cells?
Me: You got it right Amir. There’s yet more to come. Continue to stay mentally comfortable.
Amir: Your idea looks very far-fetched. Spill all the beans. How on earth can it result in an electoral win for the Congress Party?
Me: The final step is when the rivals are facing a total chaos situation in the country and need oxygen to sustain themselves politically. At this point, the Congress Party should help Rahul Gandhi to become the BJP president. The rest of the damage will get done on auto-mode.
Amir: I hope your hair-brained scheme of things is allowed to translate into action.
