Sunday Snippets: Cow talks
By Venkatesh Raghavan
Our talks over tea veered to hugging a cow on the forthcoming Valentine’s Day celebrations as my friend Amir and I held our familiar seats at the Irani cafe. The conversation went somewhat along these lines.
Amir: I am clueless about how such harebrained schemes strike our ministers. ‘Hug a cow’ sounds much balmier than what Alice had to put up with the mad hatter and the march hare to keep company. Mercifully, they were forced to retract such a decision.
Me: Nothing wrong with the decision per se. I don’t see any need to revoke it. However, I insist that just like humans are given the choice of hugging a cow, the cows too should be given the choice of hugging any human being of their liking.
Amir: How on earth do you expect the poor animal to understand that it has a choice to make and is privileged to exercise its choice?
Me: Have you seen how the cow drives away all the flies settled on it? It just shakes its tail virulently to force them off its back. It’s like the Beatle’s song “I get by with little help from my friends.” The youth keeps pestering the cow by resting on its back and the cow’s tail will do the rest.
Amir: Have you seen pictures of how the quadruple reacted violently to people attempting to hug it? I think the government withdrew its diktat after learning how risky it can turn out to be.
Me: Wherever you see a threat, I see an opportunity.
Amir: How on earth does getting physically injured looks to be an opportunity?
Me: Look Amir, in Spain, they organize bullfighting competitions. Similarly, we can host pan India, a cow-hugging competition to earmark Valentine’s day. Many cows will receive warmth even as the winter is nearing its end. The person who is able to hug the maximum number of cows without getting hurt should be declared the winner in his or her locality.
Amir: It seems the Animal Welfare Board which had initially felt enthused with the idea has developed cold feet over the media criticism the announcement had attracted.
Me: It’s nothing to do with cold feet, Amir. Had people happily accepted their suggestion, a huge market that thrives on Valentine’s Day celebration products and outdoor hospitality joints will go for a toss. They realized it a bit late, after the lobbies that funded our government made their eyes open.
Amir: Fully knowing this, why do you pitch in favour of a “hug a cow” proposal?
Me: Again Amir, I will state the same premise. Wherever you see a threat, I see an opportunity.
Amir: What on earth are you hinting at?
Me: “Hug a cow” can be made into a commercial venture with many people turning into cow vendors and keeping stock of old cows to be released on Valentine’s Day for getting hugged. Besides, there can also be ancillary industries where people can train cows on how to respond to hugs they receive from humans.
Amir: I would rather prefer people remember February 14 as Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.
